Valentine's Day blues

Valentine’s day can be hard for multiple reasons. For me, it’s because all the good deals are always ‘meals for two’, and I have to wonder whether it’s okay to buy yourself two heart-shaped vegan caramel desserts that are blatantly marketed towards couples (can I just say, it most definitely is okay, and yes I did buy them.) It’s equally a tough time for people who perceive themselves as unlovable, as if the bothersome day was created purely just to mock them. I used to feel like this, shouting about the ‘commodification of love’ and how ‘everyday would be special if you really loved each other!’ I shortly realised that I was bitter for one prominent reason, I was undermining my self-worth because of my singleness. It was as if everyone in romantic relationships had ‘won’ and I had lost. It took a few years, and a lot of self-discovery, to understand that romantic love is not a game with winners and losers.

One day an epiphany comes, where it hits you that you could be the loveliest, kindest, wittiest and most-gentled hearted version of yourself and you’ll still be cooking meals for one, buying yourself flowers and sighing at Tinder matches. We shouldn’t seek to better ourselves purely to secure a relationship, it must come from an inner desire to reach our own expectations that we've envisioned for ourselves. Romantic love is not a gift that is granted to those who are the most worthy, it’s just what happens when people find an opportunity to intertwine their lives through being in a relationship. It’s making the decision to care for someone and grow alongside them and, most importantly, having the desire to do so. The moment you stop seeing yourself as unlovable, purely because you have not yet found romantic love, you will encounter an overwhelming feeling of wholeness. All the perks of relationships can be experienced through different forms, the intimacy of spending an evening cosied up in front of a terrible film whilst eating all the snacks that the corner shop had to offer is not exclusive to romantic relationships. You will not ‘discover’ love the very moment you agree to be in a relationship with someone, you will find it through little acts of kindness that infiltrate daily life.

It’s important to define your own version of love. For you, maybe it’s not about receiving one-hundred roses in the post or being taken to Paris for the weekend, but it’s someone folding the corner of a page in a book because they know you’d be interested to read it, or your friend seeing your favourite biscuits are on offer whilst they’re doing their shopping and deciding to get them for you. Love does not have to be a monumental, life defining, long-lasting relationship; love can be the feeling you have as you realise that everybody you care about has a mutual care for you too, as you become aware that you’re safe and secure amongst those who you call friends. You could do all the self-improvement available and life will not grant you romantic love, so remember that the most important love in your life is with yourself. You must nourish and protect your body and mind in the same way you would with a friend. Don't wear yourself thin by spreading all the goodness you have without leaving any for yourself. Self-love is often trivialized into images of bubble baths and eating ice-cream, but don't lose sight of the true meaning. Let this be a reminder that even in the most difficult of times, you can work on being kinder to yourself.