Introverts studying History at University: you can ‘do the thing’

Guest Post | Claire Turner

Extroverts roll their eyes when introverts tell them ‘they have it easy’. But, when it comes to things like university, they potentially do. There often seems to be this intangible divide between the ‘confident’ and ‘outgoing’ students versus the ‘shy’ and ‘reserved’ students. I am an extrovert in most cases. I always tell myself: if I am not confident in myself, then who else is going to believe in me? But for subjects like history, it is often more difficult for introverted students to get by. The sad fact of the matter is that, in essay-based subjects, you regularly have to verbally articulate an argument before it fully makes sense. You have to discuss ideas in seminars in order to fully understand their meaning. You have to ask questions (and answer them too!). And now I have successfully created a nightmare scenario for those lovely students, wonderfully shy and reserved, who want to do nothing more than study history (or anything else!)

Fear not, for university is not a place where you are encouraged to ‘talk all the time’ and ‘be more confident than is actually true’. Despite not being an introvert myself, I have found many ways to overcome problems with confidence and social anxieties that others might experience (particularly when studying an Arts course). First things first, ignore anything by The Tab. If you’re interested in ‘how these people lost their virginity’ or ‘how to be an alcoholic on £0.00’ or ‘how to judge people based on their outfits’, then go ahead. The Tab also released an article within the last year, stating that introverted students ‘shouldn’t bother attending seminars if they aren’t going to speak – you’re ruining it for the rest of us’. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FOR REAL? It has to be said, some lecturers do make the statement ‘if you like to listen in seminars and not talk, that is also fine’. We need to become more reasonable when it comes to students who are more reserved about sharing their ideas. Ignore The Tab guys, we don’t stigmatise people based on their contributions.

So then there is the problem of introverted students having said little in seminars and understanding little as a result. I must stress, this is not always the case. However, if you do find yourself struggling to understand something, there are two things you can do about this:

1)    Be brave! Seminars are not for exposing the intelligent from the brainless. Ideas are thrown around and (especially in history) the level of interpretation is soaring. Nothing is the ‘wrong’ answer.

2)    Make the most of what you are paying for. Office hours are crucial when you don’t understand something. Like I said, articulating your argument verbally is fundamental. Speaking to staff on their own, rather than in front of fellow students, can be easier for people who feel like they are being persistently ‘judged’. And, if you’re really struggling to find the confidence to talk to someone, tell your dog / cat / cute small furry pet your argument (ok, admittedly more difficult if you live in accommodation). Talking out loud about your argument to anything (person or pet) can help you understand it better – and you might even find yourself contributing more in the future!

I have heard, in the past, that introverted students tend to think that students who contribute more know more about the subject. In some cases, confidence levels distort an individual’s perception, making them believe that they know less than their friends and fellow students. Alternatively, the people contributing more are actually just being lame. If you go to university having studied medieval history at college, then pick something else for a change. (If you love medieval history and took it at university, please don’t hate me). You build a better experience for yourself if you experiment and endeavour into different areas of study, regardless of whether you are introverted or extroverted. Students who sit and openly express that they’re ‘doing it because they did it at A-Level’ are living their lives on repeat. They aren’t any better at the subject than you, they’re just reliving the same thing over and over.

And finally, to all the introverts who prefer not to speak in seminars, prefer not to spend every night out in town, and prefer not to read The Tab (my favourite people), you’re doing the right thing. There is no ‘how to do university’ guide. You make your own experience from it. Remember not to let anyone tell you that you’re wasting your money (that £9k a year, I cry) purely because you don’t contribute as much as others. In the end, if you find your own alternatives (be it telling the dog your ideas or pushing yourself to speak more in class), you’re making the most of everything you’ve been given. 

Find Claire here:

Twitter: @claire_oturner

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"HELP! EVERYTHING IS SAD"

Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and feel like I've been physically superglued to my bed. Okay, so before you send out a Fireman to come and peel me away from my duvet, I'm not actually superglued to my bed. I'm nowhere near arty enough to do that. Getting 'stuck' in my bed because I've excessively watched the entire first season of Stranger Things in a day? Yes. Now that sounds more like me. But, this post isn't about Stranger things. Or Barb, (but seriously, what happened to Barb?) What I am here to talk about, is some ways that may help you when you just can't seem to get yourself out of a slump, a little guide for those moments when facing the 'real world' feels like the biggest hurdle ever.

But first, let me clarify that I have never experienced or been diagnosed with depression. If you have, or even feel that you may be suffering from any form of mental illness, please seek contact with an individual that you trust and allow yourself professional guidance. This piece, unfortunately, isn't the cure for anything severe. As someone who suffers with anxiety, I assure you that I understand how frustrating it feels when you're experiencing a really heightened emotion and someone tells you to just "calm down." However, this is simply here for those times where every little problem slowly, but surely creeps up on us- and next thing we know, we're snuggled on the floor in a heap of blankets, wearing nothing but three year old pyjamas that are covered in pictures of dogs and crying, "BUT, WHY?"

...So. What do you do? 

1. You cry. Yep, that's right. I'm literally telling you to cry. I know what you're thinking, "wait, since when did Elle turn into Dr. Evil?" But trust me, crying is one of the most cathartic processes to go through when you're in this situation. Cry about cute dogs. Cry about the fact that the dreamy person with nice shoulders from a year ago didn't text you back. Cry about the fact there's only two seasons of Game of Thrones left. Cry about Barb, (okay, but really, WHERE IS SHE?) In terms of expressing emotion, society often projects that we have to remain strong, despite how we feel. As if, crying is only for 'weak' people. Well guess what, you can cry all you like. You're allowed to feel down. Never be ashamed of not constantly being your happiest self, it's almost impossible to remain predominantly upbeat and bubbly, even if people expect it of you. Look, you can even put dramatic music on. I mean look at all the Adele playlists on Spotify, I can assure you there's plenty of crying listeners on those (what do you MEAN you've never cried to 'Someone like You' after being dumped?)

2. Escapism. As an introvert, escaping into books, T.V shows and my favourite films comes naturally to me. But, it's surprising how many people I know who don't realise the benefits of it. Okay, so now probably isn't the time to finally read the 'The Capital' by Karl Marx. Rather, you should perhaps attempt to escape into light-hearted forms of entertainment that bring you nothing but happiness. Personally, I love watching Youtube videos when I'm feeling sad, there's something about the informality of it that makes it even more enjoyable. A guilty secret of mine is that I love to watch gamers like Pewdiepie and The English Simmer (but shhhh, let's pretend like I haven't seen every single video, okay? And yes, watching people play Sims MAY be one of my favourite forms of entertainment. Yep. It's definitely a thing.) Additionally, it's no secret that Netflix is like your own, personal little beacon of happiness, so take advantage of this and find your new favourite series. It may not solve your issues, but you'll feel better in no time. Regardless of what form you choose, allow your mind to relax and cease from overthinking. We all deserve a little escape from time to time (and yes, by 'little' I mean watching Clueless 32 times in one weekend. I highly recommend the experience.)

3. Nature. Yeah, I know you've probably just thought "Elle's being all weird and talking about trees again." But, it's incredible how much a nice, relaxed walk outside can brighten your entire mindset. I'm guilty of hibernating and shutting myself off from everyone when I feel low, snuggling in bed as if nothing outside the realm of my laptop or Charlie Hunnam in Sons of Anarchy actually exists. Despite the escapism we mentioned earlier, it's equally as important to reconnect with what's going on outside and understanding that a lot of problems can be solved once we've cleared our head. In the age of Social Media, it's really hard to switch off. We are constantly susceptible to drama, arguments and all sorts of intense posts. It's no wonder that our minds find it hard to slow down. I'm by no means saying that we should be ignorant to the world and switch off completely. Yet, I am putting forward the concept that constantly surrounding yourself with really intense news can be harmful for your well-being. Don't feel guilty if you need a five minute break. You're doing your best and that's okay. Do some research into 'Self Care for Activists', which gives useful information for those who truly want to make a change the world but feel overwhelmed by the process. 

Without a doubt, it's exceptionally important to take into account whether you can control what's making you feel sad. Bottling up your issues will never help, even if it appears the easier option at the time. I'm guilty of it, you're probably guilty of it. In fact, there's most likely very few people who allow themselves to wholeheartedly face every bad situation head on. Never be afraid to face your problems, to cut negative people out of your life or to detach from situations that make you uncomfortable. If you have the ability to control a situation that makes you sad, then do so. One of the best skills you can have is knowing how to remove yourself from experiences that are bringing you down.

Conclusively, I understand that in the grand scheme of the world, you may feel that 'being a bit sad' perhaps isn't at the forefront of what we should be worried about. Remember that you can acknowledge that there's extraordinary amounts of pain, injustice and suffering in the world and taking into account that you're comparatively luckily, whilst simultaneously acknowledging your own emotions. However 'small' the issue may be. You really do matter, never forget that.

Irrefutably, let me reiterate that mental health issues are not a choice. This post is purely about external factors that can be controlled, as opposed to internal aspects. However, always consider if there's anything you can possibly do to aid how you feel. Having 'me time' and taking care of yourself is essential. Bear in mind, 'me time' can be anything from spending an entire day crying at Downton Abbey Christmas specials to long walks in the woods with your dog. It's all up to you.

Mental health helplines can be found here:

• http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx

• http://www.depressionuk.org/national_links.shtml

• http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/helpline

Okay, now I'm off to snuggle up in my Sons of Anarchy jumper and cuddle my pets, whilst drinking as many Chai Tea Latte's as I possibly can, (how autumnal of me. Where are the Pumpkins already?)

Remember, your mental health and well-being is always relevant. You are important and significant.

Love, Elle

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How to fix a broken heart (well, sort of)

So you've got a broken heart? Absolutely fantastic. Do you feel like your entire chest is going to fall out and you've been crying every ten minutes? even better. What you're currently experiencing is undoubtedly, absolutely awful. It's a physical and emotional pain, experienced by so many different people and yet, it remains unnervingly difficult to express through words. However, this post is here to tell you you're going to be okay regardless of the heartbreak. After lots of Netflix. Oh, and also cuddling any animal that's closest in proximity to you, I personally recommend dogs. But then again, CATS? Anyway, before this turns into a list of cute animals, without further ado... here is how to fix your broken heart.

I'm a firm believer that heartbreak doesn't exclusively stem from the breaking-up of a long-term relationship. I consider that regardless of the experience, whether it was casually dating someone or engaging in a 'serious' relationship, the breakup will catalyse significant pain. As someone who has experienced all of the above, I understand that different situations cause varying levels of suffering. For example, the ending a long-term relationship is reminiscent, if not exactly the same, as losing a best friend. Somebody who knows everything about you. You've got inside jokes, you understand one another and share a connection that you've built up together from scratch. So what are you supposed to do when that's unexpectedly taken away from you? It can feel like your entire life is shifting, as if you've suddenly been thrown out into the wild and have to fend for yourself. It's crucial to remember that you are your own person. Now is your time to indulge in what makes you happy, to put all your effort in what interests you as an individual. 

Personal growth is incredibly special, particularly when you allow yourself to feel and be alone. As someone who has been single for a long while now, I can say that these months have been spent focusing on bettering myself and allocating time to take part in what makes me feel confident as a person. This isn't to say that people in serious relationships cannot do the same. However, instead of having a partner to support your decisions, you must learn to work every aspect out for yourself. So, you go ahead and watch that three hour documentary on whether aliens exist, you turn your phone off and spend all day reading your favourite book. This is your time. It's okay to be alone, you will learn to be your own best friend, I can assure you.

In correlation to this, you should never feel like you cannot confide in your friends after a breakup. They will understand. Even if you've drifted apart from them because you may have been putting so much of your energy into your relationship, friends will be there for you. I promise, they most likely want to help you get back on your feet again. If you wish to talk to a complete stranger, that's okay too. There's plenty of helplines available, or even therapy sessions. Remember, BREAKUPS ARE HARD! No one should make you feel that you must put on a brave face and suppress your emotions. Allow yourself to feel pain, even if it means you've been on the sofa crying into thirty five cups of tea all day watching re-runs of Grey's Anatomy. 

Now, onto the hard topic. Those not-so-amicable-breakups that leave us feeling like our hearts have just been ripped out and the heart-breaker has run off with it. An experience that can often emerge after these situations, is not feeling 'good enough'. This frequently happens after being cheated on, you ask yourself "what is wrong with me?" The hardest part of all this, is that it's often an inescapable thought that consumes you. Being lied to is tough, but when it's someone that you had strong feelings for that's lying to you, it's even tougher. I'm here to say, you ARE good enough. No matter what awful, hurtful situation anyone has put you in, now you're free from that pain. Think about it: you may have lost someone you love, but you've also lost someone who was willing to hurt you. That's fundamentally positive. It's a good sign masked as a bad one, a life lesson that the majority of us will have to experience at least once. Allow yourself some 'me' time, take part in self care and never forget that you are important in your own right. Nobody can steal that from you.

So what if you've entered the scary, underworld of casual dating? An inexplainable place filled with Tinder, small talk and tripping over on a first date because of nerves (is that just me?) Casual dating is odd, it's like trying to understand whether you fancy someone based on the fact that they've got 'Karl Marx' written in their Tinder bio. Or because they've been travelling to Australia in their 'gap yah' and have an impressive set of pictures of them stood under sunsets. So how does casual dating lead to heartbreak, you may ask? Well, as someone who's dabbled in casual dating a few times, I can say that it becomes slightly disheartening when you frequently fail to make a connection with people on numerous occasions. For me, it's not the result of being hurt by one specific person, but rather a build up of bad dates, sometimes awful, or even the occasional I-can't-believe-you-didn't-mention-you-voted-for-the-Conversatives-before-I-agreed-on-this-date type of disaster. 

It can be frustrating when you feel like you don't connect with anyone, as if you're destined to be alone for the rest of your life (which is completely okay by the way, why does society make us feel like we need a partner to be happy?) A few years ago, Leena Norms made a youtube video, (and by magic, here it is) which perfectly summed up why casual dating can feel so empty. She explained how it's like trying to build a relationship before building a friendship. Which, to a certain extent, is like trying to bake a loaf of bread without an oven. This isn't to say Tinder dates cannot blossom into strong relationships of course, I've witnessed it happen plenty of times with complete success. Although, next time you feel like all your casual dates are going wrong and you'd rather just buy thirty puppies and raise them your children, (which sounds great, by the way) consider the connection you're trying to make. Also, keep in mind that bad dates don't equate to you being bad person. You aren't boring, maybe they just weren't right for you.

And how could I get through a blogpost about heartbreak without mentioning the culprit of many, many broken hearts? You guessed it, *dramatic drumroll* it's unrequited love. Yes, the type of 'love' that is one sided, often leads to the watching of many badly executed rom-coms and listening to dramatic music in your bedroom at 1:34AM. Having feelings towards someone who doesn't quite feel the same towards you is always rough. You sit there, thinking 'but what about that really funny joke I made that one time. And that day my hair looked really good? But I'M GREAT AT ONLINE QUIZZES? Exceptional even. If ONLY you could just see. THEN you'd definitely like me. Almost CERTAINLY.' Yet, there must come a time when we accept that this super 'perfect' person doesn't mutually have the same butterfly feeling we do. There will be tears. There WILL be cryptic social media posts. But most significantly, there will be plenty of 'what's so bad about me, then?' thoughts. And my answer for that, is, well absolutely nothing. 

Unfortunately, you may just really like someone who doesn't see you in that way. That doesn't mean they don't like your personality and they never want to speak to you again. It's simply just a matter of the individual. Don't feel too disappointed,  it's nobody's fault. It just happens. Have some of that 'me time' we mentioned earlier, confide in a friend and understand that you'll get through this. One day, someone's almost definitely going to feel the same fluttery-oh-my-god-how-are-they-even-THAT-impressive feeling towards you too. That's pretty amazing, right?

Finally, it's important to mention that if you feel you are in an abusive relationship or are the victim of any toxic behaviour, please seek help immediately. It doesn't matter how much you think somebody may 'love you', your safety will always come first. Here is some help if you require it:

• 24-hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline - 0808 2000 247

• http://www.teensagainstabuse.org/index.php?q=hotlines

• http://www.loveisrespect.org/for-yourself/contact-us/

Without a doubt, love is an incredible feeling. And with love, comes heartbreak. You will get through it. With plenty of cups of tea, tears and remembering that you are enough. In fact, you are more than just 'enough'. Never forget how special you truly are and how lucky we are to even exist. Now, grab as much chocolate as possible and put on your favourite conspiracy theory documentary.

You'll be  just fine, I promise.

Love, Elle 

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Who am I?

I wish I knew, honestly. But for the most part, I'm Elle. Which is short for Ellicia, which no, isn't a Harry Potter spell or a codeword for a strange mystical fairy land, but is actually my name. I'm Vegan, which means that yes: I am allowed to shout at people in the street whilst coincidentally throwing vegetables at them. I also enjoy politics, which may or may not consist of me screenshotting Jeremy Corbyn's snapchat story and getting angry at The Independent. I'll let you decide on that. I'm introverted, which unfortunately doesn't  inherently make me a cool, arty or quirky character from a Wes Anderson film. Although, I wish it did because then I'd have better hair. And I'd suit glasses. Maybe.

I have a few animals, who are my children and- I feel like this description is starting to sound like the those daunting 'about me' sections you get on dating websites, but continuing on. Where was I? oh yeah, animals. Obviously. Vegan, remember? Also, I have anxiety, which is fine. Except for when I'm having a panic attack and being existential. Or when my head feels like a balloon. But you know what I mean.

I'm a feminist, so I hate men. Naturally. Because of course, who needs equality when you could just shout at men for ages? (Side note, I don't really 'hate men'. In fact I like some quite a lot. which is annoying. How do I stop that?) For the most part, my blog doesn't necessarily have a theme, it's just my own little part of the internet. Where I can talk about things I enjoy, like avocados. And Conspiracy theories. And pygmy hippos. Although, only occasionally about pygmy hippos. 

So yes, this is it. A little space to ramble, discuss and hopefully, write something good. Sometimes. I hope you enjoy your time here, but if not, I'd suggest clicking off and googling pictures of Charlie Hunnam. Highly entertaining. And I've definitely not ever done that. Ever. 

Stop judging me, alright. Have you seen him in Sons of Anarchy? Bloody hell. He makes me want to put skulls on all my clothes and  start wearing massive rings. Except, I may do all of that anyway.

All the best,

***

Elle

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