How to fix a broken heart (well, sort of)

So you've got a broken heart? Absolutely fantastic. Do you feel like your entire chest is going to fall out and you've been crying every ten minutes? even better. What you're currently experiencing is undoubtedly, absolutely awful. It's a physical and emotional pain, experienced by so many different people and yet, it remains unnervingly difficult to express through words. However, this post is here to tell you you're going to be okay regardless of the heartbreak. After lots of Netflix. Oh, and also cuddling any animal that's closest in proximity to you, I personally recommend dogs. But then again, CATS? Anyway, before this turns into a list of cute animals, without further ado... here is how to fix your broken heart.

I'm a firm believer that heartbreak doesn't exclusively stem from the breaking-up of a long-term relationship. I consider that regardless of the experience, whether it was casually dating someone or engaging in a 'serious' relationship, the breakup will catalyse significant pain. As someone who has experienced all of the above, I understand that different situations cause varying levels of suffering. For example, the ending a long-term relationship is reminiscent, if not exactly the same, as losing a best friend. Somebody who knows everything about you. You've got inside jokes, you understand one another and share a connection that you've built up together from scratch. So what are you supposed to do when that's unexpectedly taken away from you? It can feel like your entire life is shifting, as if you've suddenly been thrown out into the wild and have to fend for yourself. It's crucial to remember that you are your own person. Now is your time to indulge in what makes you happy, to put all your effort in what interests you as an individual. 

Personal growth is incredibly special, particularly when you allow yourself to feel and be alone. As someone who has been single for a long while now, I can say that these months have been spent focusing on bettering myself and allocating time to take part in what makes me feel confident as a person. This isn't to say that people in serious relationships cannot do the same. However, instead of having a partner to support your decisions, you must learn to work every aspect out for yourself. So, you go ahead and watch that three hour documentary on whether aliens exist, you turn your phone off and spend all day reading your favourite book. This is your time. It's okay to be alone, you will learn to be your own best friend, I can assure you.

In correlation to this, you should never feel like you cannot confide in your friends after a breakup. They will understand. Even if you've drifted apart from them because you may have been putting so much of your energy into your relationship, friends will be there for you. I promise, they most likely want to help you get back on your feet again. If you wish to talk to a complete stranger, that's okay too. There's plenty of helplines available, or even therapy sessions. Remember, BREAKUPS ARE HARD! No one should make you feel that you must put on a brave face and suppress your emotions. Allow yourself to feel pain, even if it means you've been on the sofa crying into thirty five cups of tea all day watching re-runs of Grey's Anatomy. 

Now, onto the hard topic. Those not-so-amicable-breakups that leave us feeling like our hearts have just been ripped out and the heart-breaker has run off with it. An experience that can often emerge after these situations, is not feeling 'good enough'. This frequently happens after being cheated on, you ask yourself "what is wrong with me?" The hardest part of all this, is that it's often an inescapable thought that consumes you. Being lied to is tough, but when it's someone that you had strong feelings for that's lying to you, it's even tougher. I'm here to say, you ARE good enough. No matter what awful, hurtful situation anyone has put you in, now you're free from that pain. Think about it: you may have lost someone you love, but you've also lost someone who was willing to hurt you. That's fundamentally positive. It's a good sign masked as a bad one, a life lesson that the majority of us will have to experience at least once. Allow yourself some 'me' time, take part in self care and never forget that you are important in your own right. Nobody can steal that from you.

So what if you've entered the scary, underworld of casual dating? An inexplainable place filled with Tinder, small talk and tripping over on a first date because of nerves (is that just me?) Casual dating is odd, it's like trying to understand whether you fancy someone based on the fact that they've got 'Karl Marx' written in their Tinder bio. Or because they've been travelling to Australia in their 'gap yah' and have an impressive set of pictures of them stood under sunsets. So how does casual dating lead to heartbreak, you may ask? Well, as someone who's dabbled in casual dating a few times, I can say that it becomes slightly disheartening when you frequently fail to make a connection with people on numerous occasions. For me, it's not the result of being hurt by one specific person, but rather a build up of bad dates, sometimes awful, or even the occasional I-can't-believe-you-didn't-mention-you-voted-for-the-Conversatives-before-I-agreed-on-this-date type of disaster. 

It can be frustrating when you feel like you don't connect with anyone, as if you're destined to be alone for the rest of your life (which is completely okay by the way, why does society make us feel like we need a partner to be happy?) A few years ago, Leena Norms made a youtube video, (and by magic, here it is) which perfectly summed up why casual dating can feel so empty. She explained how it's like trying to build a relationship before building a friendship. Which, to a certain extent, is like trying to bake a loaf of bread without an oven. This isn't to say Tinder dates cannot blossom into strong relationships of course, I've witnessed it happen plenty of times with complete success. Although, next time you feel like all your casual dates are going wrong and you'd rather just buy thirty puppies and raise them your children, (which sounds great, by the way) consider the connection you're trying to make. Also, keep in mind that bad dates don't equate to you being bad person. You aren't boring, maybe they just weren't right for you.

And how could I get through a blogpost about heartbreak without mentioning the culprit of many, many broken hearts? You guessed it, *dramatic drumroll* it's unrequited love. Yes, the type of 'love' that is one sided, often leads to the watching of many badly executed rom-coms and listening to dramatic music in your bedroom at 1:34AM. Having feelings towards someone who doesn't quite feel the same towards you is always rough. You sit there, thinking 'but what about that really funny joke I made that one time. And that day my hair looked really good? But I'M GREAT AT ONLINE QUIZZES? Exceptional even. If ONLY you could just see. THEN you'd definitely like me. Almost CERTAINLY.' Yet, there must come a time when we accept that this super 'perfect' person doesn't mutually have the same butterfly feeling we do. There will be tears. There WILL be cryptic social media posts. But most significantly, there will be plenty of 'what's so bad about me, then?' thoughts. And my answer for that, is, well absolutely nothing. 

Unfortunately, you may just really like someone who doesn't see you in that way. That doesn't mean they don't like your personality and they never want to speak to you again. It's simply just a matter of the individual. Don't feel too disappointed,  it's nobody's fault. It just happens. Have some of that 'me time' we mentioned earlier, confide in a friend and understand that you'll get through this. One day, someone's almost definitely going to feel the same fluttery-oh-my-god-how-are-they-even-THAT-impressive feeling towards you too. That's pretty amazing, right?

Finally, it's important to mention that if you feel you are in an abusive relationship or are the victim of any toxic behaviour, please seek help immediately. It doesn't matter how much you think somebody may 'love you', your safety will always come first. Here is some help if you require it:

• 24-hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline - 0808 2000 247

• http://www.teensagainstabuse.org/index.php?q=hotlines

• http://www.loveisrespect.org/for-yourself/contact-us/

Without a doubt, love is an incredible feeling. And with love, comes heartbreak. You will get through it. With plenty of cups of tea, tears and remembering that you are enough. In fact, you are more than just 'enough'. Never forget how special you truly are and how lucky we are to even exist. Now, grab as much chocolate as possible and put on your favourite conspiracy theory documentary.

You'll be  just fine, I promise.

Love, Elle